Try as we might, we humans never quite get over the desire to be liked. Being considered to be socially acceptable holds great importance for us whether we are starting a new job or joining in a game of hide and seek in the playground. The need to be liked can in many instances override the arguably more fulfilling need to shape yourself as an individual and form your own opinions and identity. I would argue that having an anxiety disorder complicates this desire even more. Speaking as a person with an anxiety disorder, I tend to meet a person for the first time with the overwhelmingly glum presumption that they will either instantly dislike me or, best case scenario, will inevitably grow to dislike me over time. My heart will literally thud as I watch and wait for imagined signs of dislike to slip across their face like a shadow.
Anxiety Can Play Cruel Tricks On You
Sometimes my anxieties surrounding being liked can be so intense that my mind begins to play cruel tricks on me. I will imagine that I can literally feel a person’s dislike of me radiating from them like heat, leading me to feel faint with terror. I will make excuses to leave the conversation, convinced that I am doing them a favour. This clearly is not a healthy way to maintain friendships and has repeatedly led me to push people away unnecessarily. All too often, I prefer to keep a distance from people, feeling as though it is far better to remove myself from social situations completely rather than be held painfully under dismissive scrutiny.
When I take a moment to step back, I can appreciate that my paranoia is for the most part unfounded. I am a fairly polite, inoffensive person. Like everyone, there are some people whose views more closely match my own, but on the whole I am fairly easy going. However, during the times when my anxiety kicks in, it can be incredibly difficult to think logically. Anxiety can be a viciously cruel critic. It can tell you that there is something dreadfully wrong with you. It can tell you that you don’t deserve friendship. It can keep you awake night after night tormenting you with repetitive thought cycles where you become convinced that you are merely tolerated rather than truly cared for.
How To Combat Negative Thoughts Surrounding Being “Liked”
There are however ways to silence anxiety’s incessant criticisms. The best way that I have found is to work on becoming a self assured person who is confident of their worth. Try thinking of yourself as a separate person, just as you might with a close friend. Consider three things that you like about yourself and bear these in mind next time that you engage with others. Personally, I try and remember that I am a good listener, that I care about a number of issues and that, despite suffering from mental illness, I manage to hold down a full time job. These don’t have to be enormous, super impressive things. After all, you wouldn’t judge your best friend on how many marathons she has run or mountains she has climbed.
Often, it’s the deceptively little things that can give you that warm buzz of self certainty and belonging. Little things that remind you to be kind to yourself and to remember that you deserve kindness from others. Becoming self assured can of course be a lengthy process for anxiety sufferers but it is not an impossible pursuit. Approach conversations with a positive attitude. I know that this is easier said than done. Try and remember that other people feel uncertainty. Other people worry about how they appear. Quite possibly they are worrying about how they might appear to you.
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from Anxiety-Schmanxiety Blog http://ift.tt/1o7iWNc
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